Thursday, September 22, 2011

Black Men, Single Mothers Aren't the Problem, A BLACK Man addresses other COWARDLY BLACK MEN...

Black Men, Single Mothers Aren't the Problem, We Are

Dedicated to single mothers and the black men who dare to love them....

Since last year, I fell back from many of the conversations that have been raging on in cyberspace about the #NWNW (No Wedding, No Womb) movement. However, I have been noticing a growing and yet disturbing trend. BLACK MEN are joining the chorus of people that blame single mothers for the woes within black America. There is no word in the English language that can truly express what I truly think of them, but the term 'cowards' whispers throughout in my mind. Knowing that these type of cowards may not read this post beyond the first paragraph. I will speak directly towards them.

"Cowards, instead of being examples and reminders of the same cowardly men that abandoned them, become the type of men that single mothers can use as examples of types of men that they would want their sons to grow to become and that they would love to see their daughters marry. Yes, even black men like yourselves are both the cause and the cure for this cowardly epidemic."
-Me

Now that the cowards have been addressed, brethren let us speak, as men.

Last Month, the United States Census Bureau released their data on the poverty rate in the United States. Buried deep within this data were some startling figures that many of us may have overlooked that speaks right to the heart the issue with my brethren. Overall more than twenty seven percent (27.4%) of all black families live beneath the poverty threshold. However, when we look at single mother households, the figures are even more frightening. More than a third, (36.8%) of all black female led households live 100% below the poverty threshold. Adding to that misery, the data revealed that more than half (53.3%) of the black children living in those black female households are living 100% below the poverty threshold. However, on the flip side, only 19.7% of single black men live in poverty. For those that would like to see the figures for themselves, click here.

Black men, men lie, women lie but numbers don't. More than a third of single mothers and more than half of their children are suffering because of our selfishness. No, the answer is not simply to drop everything and run to the chapel marry the mother of your child, We are not there, yet. The answer is much deeper and more complex than that. It first requires some self reflection, that should foster our self accountability.

How We as Black Men Caused this Crisis...

1) We Abandoned Our Women. We are simply not present in the lives of our children. 'Why' is no longer important or an acceptable excuse. Within female led households, we as black men left behind so many burdens that they now have to bare on our behalf and in our absence, that having a conversation about whose fault it is pointless and cowardly. Many of those women who we blame for the collapse of our households are now responsible for the daily sheltering, feeding, healing and raising our children. Buying Jordans and dropping off diapers and chump change won't keep the lights on and it is not equal to an equal share of the burden. Not only did we leave behind financial burdens but psychological ones as well. The views that our children will have about the role of a black man within a family structure will be warped because of our absence. These warped psychological views will ultimately fester in boys who may one day sleep with many women without the intention of ever establishing a committed relationship with them and little girls who think such conduct is just what black men do. Our absence and neglect has not only created a crisis now but in the future may create more of the same.

2) We Don't Check other Black Men. Though the media may say otherwise, all black men aren't deadbeat daddies'. Even though they may not be married to the mother of their child, not all 'baby daddies' are deadbeats. But, there are far too many black deadbeat baby daddies in our communities. They are not just the guys that you heard about. They are our brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, and dare I say it, pastors, whom we know are deadbeat daddies but when we see them, we don't even mention this evil.We don't say a word as we watch spend reckless money on other women, living 'the good life' while their children live in squalor. When the subject of providing for their own children does comes up, they have a million and one lame excuses why they won't. Black men, because we have tolerated such behavior, we have made this moral wrong socially acceptable. In doing so, we have also added such behavior to the already warped definition of manhood amongst our children. It must stop. We need to create an atmosphere where these men are made aware of their cowardly, unacceptable lifestyle.

3) We Demonize Single Mothers. While there are plenty of songs and movies that do this overtly, many of us have demonized single black mothers in a very subtle way. We refuse to date black women with children. Many of us have ran away when a black woman mentions that she has children. This has even fosters a notion among some black women that they have to hide the fact that they have children, so that they wont 'scare away' black men when they are dating. (Note to women any man that is ran away when you mention that you have children wasn't a man in the first place. If he runs, keep it moving.) This is our fault, not theirs. We have let the stereotypes of black single mothers having baby daddy issues cloud our view of a growing crop of beautiful, educated black women. Once again, think of the message that is being passed to the little black boys and girls watching this.

How We as Black Men Will Cure to this Crisis...

1) By Establishing a Daily Presence as a Man in our Homes. Please do not confuse 'presence' with 'existence.' Married or not, physically existing in a home but helping to build a solid foundation for which that household can be nurtured and grow is just as damaging as not being there at all. Being 'present' implies that, you, as a man, are adding in the building of that household, actively engaged in the raising of the children and ultimately showing the child what it means to be a man in a household, by protecting, providing and supporting to that household on a daily basis. That image alone is powerful. That image becomes the ideal. Not only in your household but in other households in your community. Beyond marriage and establishing more committed relationships, we need to recommit to rebuilding our households first by being physically present in them. When we rebuild our households, we rebuild our communities.

2) By Exposing, Confronting and Ultimately Ostracizing our "Deadbeat' Brethren. Staying out of their business is no longer a luxury that we can afford. That child that they have neglected may one day become a blithe on our communities. If not at the level of becoming a criminal but at the lower level of one day having children with even more warped definitions of manhood that they have that will influence our children. Because it may be our problem in the future, it is indeed our problem now. So after we correct our own relationships with our own children, we need to reach out the brother next to us and influence him to do the same. But don't just criticize and chastise him, show him how to be a man. It's not only the children who need black male mentors and role models but there are grown men who need them as well.

3) Establishing Long Term Committed Relationships with Black Women. I know that this is the No Wedding, No Womb movement but marriage aside, we have to begin to ask ourselves if we are truly committed to the women that we are dating. Even married men cheat. So marriage is not a shield for monogamy but true commitment is. We need to begin dating with the mentality that we are seeking a long term commitments. When we do this our view of dating changes. Our view of women changes. It is then when we go from chasing aesthetics or social stature, to seeking compatibility. Magically, the type of women that we seek to date evolves and having random sex with strangers is no longer the goal or even satisfying. This We need to look deeper into our women. Look at her, find out who she is and discover if she is the one that you would want to build your household and raise your children. This will create a positive ripple effect in your life and ultimately throughout our communities. Know what happens to our communities when we as black men date with the aspirations of becoming faithful husbands and loving fathers? More of us become faithful husbands and loving fathers. That is my only hope for us.

There will be many black men who will dismiss this post as hateful and divisive. However, I have confidence that there will be more than a few of my brothers who will understand. They will share this post on their facebook pages and retweet the link very often. They will read this to the boys in their mentoring programs, on their sports teams and even on their block. A few of us may even read this aloud to their children. I love you all but this is bigger than you.
I wrote this with the direct intention to touch the heart of the deadbeat baby daddy who, instead of calling, will get in his car and go see his abandoned child. When he hugs that child, I will feel it then I will know that I have not written in vain.

Please, feel free share this post on your blogs. Follow me on Twitter @Brandale2221. For booking contact me directly at Brandale2221@gmail.com. My book "Me & My Broke: Neighbor" is available on Amazon and my forthcoming book, "Poverty is like Giant Sinkhole" will be available this winter.

http://brandale2221.blogspot.com/2011/09/black-men-single-mothers-arent-problem.html

Black Family Values? THERE ARE NONE! 72% of BLACK CHILDREN are born out fo Wedlock BABY MAMA HIT IT THEN SPLIT MEN!!! LISTEN TO THE MUSIC BUT BLACKS WILL STILL BLAME IT ON THE WHITE MAN THO!

The song is called “I’ma Fight Back” by Speech from Arrested Development and we… dig the message the “No Wedding No Womb” clique is bringing to the table and addressing about the black community’s rampant despair ridden children born every year:

Inspired by and written for The No Wedding No Womb Movement. Started by Christelyn Karazin, NWNM is a primary call directed to the black community to take action against the rampant births of children who are born without physical, financial and emotional protection. It is a call for accountability for both MEN and WOMEN to be mindful of the huge responsibility and privilege they have when bringing a child into the world. With 73% black children being born out of wedlock, the issue of out of wedlock children has become big again from an unlikely source.

Click Here To See The New Video By Speech Ft Kamrin “I’ma Fight Back!”

Let us know what you think in the comments!

Video Link & Embed Code

Link:

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Black girls forced to have UNPROTECTED SEX with Partners! Protecting Adolescent Girls from Unwanted Unprotected Sex

Newswise — Partner abuse leads to HIV infection, and black women are most at risk. A new study at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing has found that 46 percent of African-American adolescent girls report that their partner did not use a condom the last time they had sex -- often because of partner abuse. The girls described physical and sexual abuse and threats as preventing them from having their partner use condoms. The relationship between HIV and partner abuse is significant: In the U.S., at least 12 percent of HIV infections among women are a result of partner abuse.

Getting out of an abusive relationship should be considered an HIV prevention strategy, according to Anne M. Teitelman, assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing, who published the study in the journal “Advances in Nursing Science.” Dr. Teitelman and her co-authors advocate the need for novel strategies to increase condom use among adolescents. The co-authors are Julie Tennille, MSW, LSW; Julia M. Bobinski, BSN, MS; Loretta S. Jemmott, PhD, RN, FAAN; and John B. Jemmott III, PhD.

“Promoting healthy relationships among youth and preventing partner abuse in adolescent relationships should become a public health priority,” writes Dr. Teitelman. “This is necessary for primary prevention of the intersecting epidemics of partner abuse and HIV/STIs [sexually transmitted infections].”

The study of 64 African-American adolescent girls, aged 14 to 17, illuminates the pressure a male partner may exercise to encourage girls to forgo condom use. Understanding the practice, which the authors term “condom coercion,” can inform more tailored prevention methods and interventions for adolescent girls at high risk for HIV and STIs, the authors report. Forms of condom coercion include physical and sexual abuse and threats, emotional manipulation, and condom sabotage, as when a male partner surreptitiously removes a condom.

Of the sample, 59 percent of girls experienced partner abuse that was physical, verbal, or threatening. Nearly 30 percent reported having unwanted vaginal sex and about 9 percent reported having unwanted anal sex. More than half the girls indicated they had experienced vaginal sex without a condom when they wanted their partner to use one.

When faced with partners trying to dissuade them from using condoms, girls may also feel pressures that silence them from even raising the topic of condom use. In the study, 25 percent of participants responded affirmatively to the question: “Have you ever wanted to talk with your sexual partner about using a condom during vaginal sex, but were not able to?”

This comment addresses the issue of “silencing condom negotiation,” which the authors define as girls’ reluctance to voice an interest in condom use at the risk of losing the relationship or facing other negative consequences.

As one study participant reported: “If we talk about just STIs and HIV, we’re not addressing the whole picture. . . . I’m easily pressured into doing things that I don’t want to do and it’s hard to sit back at the time and ask myself, ‘Is this something that I really want to do?’ . . . oftentimes it’s what he wants, but what I want . . . you don’t want a baby, you don’t want a STD, you don’t want HIV. . . . do you want him to beat you up? . . . Don’t let anybody tell you it’s not about what you want, and he’s going to be telling you that. There’s always a way out of things, always.”

Dr. Teitelman and colleagues are developing a clinic-centered intervention for girls based on their findings.

***
The University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing is one of the premier research institutions in nursing, producing new knowledge in geriatrics, pediatrics, oncology, quality-of-life choices, and other areas. Researchers here consistently receive more research funding from the National Institutes of Health than any other private nursing school, and many Master’s programs are ranked first in the country. This year, faculty, students, alumni, and staff celebrate 125 years of nursing at Penn.

Black Men make babies and Run! New Laws trying to crack down now!

Campaign to Launch Against Men Who 'Have Sex and Run'

By Eryn Sun | Christian Post Reporter

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A new epidemic is permeating the culture today: fatherlessness.

OJAY GUILTY AS HELL SIMPSONS Dead Wife's Sister Speaks up and out, thank God OJay is in Prison where he belongs, Poor Nicole did not stand a Chance!

http://www.denisebrown.com/speaking.htm

DENISE'S BIO

Born in Germany and raised in Southern California, Denise Brown led a life remarkable only in its normalcy until June 12, 1994 when her sister, Nicole Brown Simpson, was murdered. If you were to ask Denise to describe herself prior to this tragic event, you would have heard, "I'm just a mom from Laguna Beach." Brown's life path dramatically altered, she would now tell you that along with her devotion to her son, Sean, she is also committed to raising awareness against domestic violence - a crime that kills three women every day in the United States.

Since early 1995 Denise Brown has traveled to various states speaking on the epidemic of domestic violence. She has addressed university student bodies, men in prison and in batterers' treatment programs, women at risk, church groups and various educational and legislative forums. Ms. Brown has helped raise funds for local shelters all across the country with her appearances, and has assisted in the success of a major project called the Vine System. This Program is an automated victim notification service of the re
lease of batterers from jail or prison.

As part of her commitment, Ms. Brown has worked to help pass a variety of legislative solutions for domestic violence. One of her most important projects was to lobby on behalf of the Violence Against Women Act. Senator Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania contacted Ms. Brown and asked for her assistance on a portion of the bill that was being stalled in committee in the U.S. Senate. With a potential slashing of its federal allocation to domestic violence services, Denise Brown testified to the U.S. Senate Appropriations Committee for increased funding for the Violence Against Women Act. After her testimony, that portion of the bill's funding was increased from eighteen million to thirty-two million dollars. U.S. Senators Biden and Hatch have cited Denise Brown as "having done more for the issue of domestic violence than any other individual."

Denise Brown has made a life-long commitment to educate the public as well as improve the quality of living for women and children who have been victims of domestic violence, She is determined to banish the darkness and end the silence.

WARNING TO BLACK WOMEN, BLACK MALE PREDATOR

WARNING TO BLACK WOMEN, BLACK MALE PREDATOR IN DC

I received this disturbing email about a black male harrassing a black woman because she didn’t want to talk to him. Further information and his picture are included in the link. Words cannot describe how angry this makes me. This is part of what black women face on a daily basis while living in all black constructs. Thus, I would advise black women to avoid living and socializing in all black areas for her own safety and well being. Choose racially diverse areas instead.
Sometimes, all black constructs cannot be avoided so women must come up with a line of defense. I’ll share mine. I have experienced street harassment and it has led me to change my demeanor when I’m in certain areas. I maintain an austere look when I’m around a group of young black males who are behaving unseemly. I purposely try to give off a vibe that not only shows I’m ignoring them but that they are insignificant to me…invisible…not even a person. All I can say is that I haven’t experienced extreme harassment in a couple of years after changing my demeanor. I get a friendly hello from more respectable men.

The liberal media will not talk about this because it wants to maintain the image of the black male as victim of white oppression…almost never a predator. There are those extremely rare instances where they will present cases where white women are victims of black male criminals. However, take all the white female victimization by black males, magnify it about 50 times and you’ll likely get the rate at which black women are victims. If you listen to the media, you’d be led to believe that black women aren’t victims of crime. That’s the reason why I and many other black women are now speaking out on behalf of black women exclusively.

28 signs of the Violent African American Male

28 Signs Of A Domestically Violent African-American Male
by Khadija Nassif on April 12th, 2010

MANY BLACK WOMEN TREAT PROBABLE BLACK MALE PREDATORS LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE
When watching online interactions, I’m often mystified by watching women repeatedly try to dialogue with Internet Ike Turners™ (a descriptive and handy phrase coined by Gina, blog host of What About Our Daughters) as if they are normal men. I often have to remind myself that other women haven’t had the mass exposure to abusive men that I’ve had while defending them in the court system. Women aren’t catching the warning signals these men are giving off because they don’t recognize them. I worry that women are most likely carrying over this same behavior into their offline lives.

MOST DOMESTICALLY VIOLENT AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALES ARE NOT SUBTLE IN THEIR HATRED OF WOMEN
Over the years, I’ve represented hundreds of domestically violent men. [Like many law firms, my firm cynically knows that it sometimes helps to assign women attorneys to defend accused male defendants in domestic battery and rape cases. It can sometimes help these men look somewhat less menacing to jurors.] Unlike wife beaters from other ethnic groups, most of the domestically violent African-American men that I’ve represented are not subtle. They’re not Dr. Jeckylls who suddenly transform into monstrous Mr. Hydes. Most of the African-American male woman beaters that I’ve defended are transparent in their hatred of women. They couldn’t hide their deep hatred of women if they wanted to. Their everyday conversation is enough to give “Stay Away” warning signals to any sensible woman who recognizes these signals, and who’s even halfway paying attention.

MANY BLACK WOMEN IGNORE VIOLENT MALE PREDATOR WARNING SIGNALS
But I see that so many African-American women either don’t recognize these signals, or have trained themselves to overlook them. They continue to interact with these men as if they’re normal people. When women have unnecessary interactions with these males as if they are normal people, they are supporting these men’s statements and behavior. When you try to dialogue with these men as if they’re normal, you are helping to normalize their twisted viewpoints. You’re validating them even when you call yourself disagreeing with them. To even discuss their rantings with them gives them the message that their rantings are worthy of discussion.

Some viewpoints are so far removed from human decency that there is no dialogue to be had about them. Would you debate and dialogue with a child molester about why he feels it’s appropriate to molest children? No, because there’s nothing to discuss about that issue except how to more quickly apprehend such creatures. Well, the same principle applies to abusive males.

DOMESTICALLY VIOLENT MALES INTERVIEW AND “SCREEN” PROSPECTIVE FEMALE VICTIMS
The other thing that I’ve noticed about the domestically violent males I’ve represented is that they are not brave. They generally won’t attack some random, unknown woman. Nor do they attack a woman who has made it clear by her behavior that she would never put up with any of that. The physical, legal, and career risks of attacking such women are too high. Domestically violent men are not trying to end up with boiling water poured on their heads while they sleep. Or a bullet being put in their brains. Or their employment and career prospects destroyed because of a woman seeing their prosecution all the way through. Or some other unpredictable negative reaction from a woman who won’t tolerate abuse.

Before he beats a woman, this type of male tries to confirm that he’s not dealing with the type of woman that might put a bullet in his brain, or pour boiling water on his head while he’s sleeping. They “interview” and test the women they interact with to see how much abuse a particular woman will tolerate. They do this by gradually escalating their controlling and disrespectful behavior. They start with “small,” verbally abusive behaviors and escalate upwards. When you continue to interact with them, you are giving them permission to escalate to the next level of attack. You place yourself in the “Safe to Abuse” category of women for these males when you continue reacting to them as if they’re normal people.

My abusive male clients don’t mistreat every woman they are involved with. They abuse the women who let them abuse them. They abuse the women who continue through the abuse-interview-process.

This is why it is so critical for women to drop and stop interacting with a man at the first hint of controlling, disrespectful behavior. If you keep dealing with him after he’s “shown out,” you have (in his mind) given him permission to continue and escalate that behavior. Once you’ve stuck with him that far through the process, then you really will need a gun and the aid of a SWAT team to get away from him.

But African-American women are often raised (and train themselves) to be naïve when it comes to Black male predators. Black women don’t want to seem rude, or be “unfair,” and various other naïve concerns that take precedence over safety.

[Domestically violent males aren’t the only male predators that "interview" prospective prey. I've noticed a similar interview pattern with female clients who have allowed their boyfriends to molest their children. They typically hook up with a series of men who are pedophiles. The pedophiles do a similar "screening" and "interview" process to find women with children who will NOT protect their children from molestation. The harsh reality is that there's a fairly large pool of women who are more invested into holding onto a relationship than their own children's safety.]

NUANCES ASIDE, THE “MAINSTREAM” OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INVOLVES MALE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN WHICH RESULTS IN INJURIES, MAIMINGS AND DEATHS
There are nuances to the issue of domestic violence. An unflattering truth about many of these situations is that I’ve watched many women use allegations of domestic violence (as well as sexual abuse of the children) as “cards” to play during divorce and child support proceedings.

I’ve also watched many genuinely battered and abused women (some of whom were my clients) play games with the Orders of Protection that they get. They call the police to enforce the Order, and have the abusive man arrested, when they’re angry with the abusive man for a reason other than the abuse (cheating, and so on). And then they invite the abusive man back into their home (in violation of the protective order) when they’re feeling lovey-dovey again.

Seeing all of this at work has made me leery of trying to help such women. Truth be told, they have hardened my heart about this issue.

However, none of this negates the reality that the “mainstream” of domestic violence consists of male violence against women which results in injuries, maimings, and fatalities. The vast majority of seriously injured, maimed, and murdered domestic violence victims are women who were killed by men. Also, most physically mature males are physically much stronger than most physically mature females. So, with rare exceptions, there’s no real physical danger to a man in any weaponless confrontation with the vast majority of women. The man is physically stronger and can get away from most women. Women with the kick-buttocks physical abilities of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” are rare, indeed.

Whatever nuances exist don’t erase the above realities. I’ve also noticed that those Black folks who love to fixate on nuances (Black men who are often woman-beaters themselves, and the Black-male identified Black women who support woman beating) always somehow avoid focusing on other nuances: Such as domestic violence between gay and lesbian partners, domestic violence with elder abuse, and so on. The only nuance they care about is the one that would help deflect responsibility away from violent, woman-beating, woman-maiming, woman-killing males.

In short, a man who makes a (false) equivalence between the prevalence of male domestic violence against women and things like false accusations against men, or female violence against men is probably a woman-beater himself. These sorts of statements and attitudes are warning signals of a domestically violent male.

A QUICK CHECKLIST OF SOME STATEMENTS AND ATTITUDES PREVALENT AMONG DOMESTICALLY VIOLENT AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALES
So, here’s a quick checklist of the typical statements and attitudes expressed by domestically violent African-American males. This checklist is not meant to be exhaustive, but it represents the “highlights” of the mindset that I’ve heard expressed by most of the domestically violent African-American men that I’ve represented. Some of these statements and attitudes are common among domestically violent men among all races and ethnic groups. Some of them are culturally specific to domestically violent African-American males. [For one example, non-African-American men don’t whine about what men outside their ethnic group won’t "let" them do.]

Some of the following statements and attitudes are more immediately dangerous than others. Some of these statements—by themselves—are highly indicative of a man who beats women. The more of these statements you hear from an African-American male, the more likely it is that he’s somebody who, if given the opportunity, would physically beat you into the ground:

(1) He speaks favorably of “controlling” women. Incidentally, for a man to use openly the phrase of “controlling” women is a very bad signal. Most abusive men that I’ve observed try to soften the language they use to describe abusive behavior toward women.

(2) He speaks favorably—without any real points of repudiation—about groups and cultures that are brutally oppressive to women such as the Taliban, Saudi Arabia, and what he claims are “traditional” African cultures. This is a very bad signal.

[For an example of this, at least in reference to the Taliban, see the comments of an individual calling himself "Visitor" during this recent conversation at What About Our Daughters. *Note: I'm not in any way saying that "Visitor" is a woman-beater. I have no idea what "Visitor" does or does not do in his life. However, several of his statements are useful examples of the warning-signal statements and attitudes on this checklist.

What I found fascinating was that so many women kept talking to this "Visitor" individual as if he was a legitimate conversation participant. Even after his opening comment consisted of deliberately mischaracterizing the message and mission of that particular blog. Multiple women readers kept interacting with this "Visitor" individual. Instead of letting the blog host and another man (Blk SeaGoat) who participated in the conversation deal with him.

Let me also note that it is NOT my intention to try to control or embarass anybody about that incident. People are perfectly free to do whatever they want, and interact with whomever they wish. I apologize in advance for any discomfort I'm inadvertently causing other women by mentioning this particular incident (that motivated me to write this post).

I debated whether to write this post. Ultimately, my concern that women are probably doing this same behavior in real life (at their own risk) outweighed my worries about inadvertently causing discomfort. Through NO fault of their own, many women simply don't know these warning signs. I'm hoping to spread awareness about them, so that fewer women get hurt. And it's best to use concrete examples. The "Visitor" individual's statements provided a good example.]

(3) He is angry about any conversation that does not tie into him, his interests, or African-American males’ interests in general.

(4) He opposes anything you want to do that doesn’t somehow involve him.

(5) With him, you have to “make a case” as to why you should care about any issue that’s affecting you (or other Black women and girls).

(6) He sulks when you mention anything favorable about Black women and girls.

(7) He blames women for his own behavior.

(8) He blames women for men’s behavior in general.

(9) He rewrites history (personal and collective) to make other people (Black women, White men) responsible for his (and other African-American males’) behavior.

(10) He says, “Women won’t let men be men.”

(11) He says women won’t “let” him be a man.

(12) He says, “Women won’t let men be gentlemen.”

(13) He says women won’t “let” him be a gentleman.

(14) He says, “I’m a grown-a** man.” [Thanks to Victor for reminding me of this tell-tale dysfunctional phrase during a conversation at the previous blog.]

(15) No matter what he does to women, he feels that his behavior is justified.

(16) He makes a (false) equivalence between the prevalence of male domestic violence and rape against women and things like false accusations against men, or female violence against men. This is another very bad signal.

(17) He feeds off African-American women’s suffering.

(18) He finds the public denigration of Black women to be funny and harmless humor. He feels that anyone who doesn’t like this is humorless and taking things too seriously.

(19) While sometimes claiming to want to help, he takes pleasure in seeing African-American women suffering. Whatever the type of suffering, he can find a reason why the afflicted Black woman “deserves” it.

(20) While sometimes claiming to want to help, he eagerly presents many “reasons” why suffering is a fitting lifestyle for African-American women.

(21) He feels that he and other men are entitled to assess and critique women’s behavior, but women cannot assess or critique his or other men’s behavior.

(22) He demands that you buy into his version of reality.

(23) He denies your experiences, and tells you that you didn’t hear what you heard or see what you saw.

(24) He’ll use (invented, skewed) statistics to deny your experiences.

(25) He characterizes everything you say as emotional, and everything he says as logical and rational.

(26) He’s uninterested in, and incurious about, anyone’s life experience that does not validate his experiences.

(27) He describes many of the women that he has had relationships with as mentally unbalanced. [It somehow never occurs to him that if this is true, then it reflects poorly on him. If this is true, either he’s deliberately selecting mentally ill women; or mentally ill women are the only women who will deal with him.]

(28) There is no emotional wound of yours (and of other African-American women and girls) that he won’t rip open. Either to score a debate point. Or for pleasure.

THIS LIST IS NOT MEANT TO BE EXHAUSTIVE
This list isn’t meant to be exhaustive. My point is that when you hear a man make several of these sorts of statements, that’s a man that you need to stop interacting with. That’s a man that you need to get away from. Quickly. Normal, nonviolent, loving, and lovable men generally don’t say these sorts of statements, because they don’t hold this cluster of beliefs and attitudes.

http://sojournerspassport.com/28-signs-of-a-domestically-violent-african-american-male/

A Dance of Redemption

“If someone would tell me here, then, that I wout come sixty something and three years later with my grandchildren, so I’d say what are you talking about?… so here you are. This is a really historic moment”. – Adolek Kohn, survivor, Auschwitz.

The video to the left features three generations of a Melbourne family – a holocaust survivor, his daughter, and his grandchildren dancing on the grounds of concentration camps across Europe and in front of synagogues and signs of Jewish life across Europe. Full of joy and determination they are accompanied by Gloria Gaynor’s song “I will Survive”. In the final moments Gaynor’s song merges with Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Me to the End of Love”. It was produced by his daughter, Australian artist Jane Korman.

The video is the first in a three part series: the second shows her dancing as a child with her father and other family members to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Me to the End of Love”. The final video interviews Adolek Kohn playing his memories of the train ride to Auschwitz begging for water against his joyous return so many years later with grandchildren, a trip few ever had a chance to make:

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic ’til I’m gathered safely in …
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love (Leonard Cohen, 1984)

Kohn’s daughter who produced the video, explains that she had noticed that people had become numb to the word “Holocaust”. She wanted a fresh way to get people thinking about the Holocaust. Later when the video created controversy, she asked her parents how they felt about the negative reactions. He said “We came from the ashes – now we dance.”. “I came with my grandchildren… I don’t know how many people can come with their grandchildren because most of them are dead.”

The video series first published in the summer of 2010, created some controversy and a wide range of responses. For some it shifted their understanding. For others it was a sign of hope. For others a sign of disrespect.

thats seriously amazing. Its so empowering. That survivor went back to where he watched hundreds of thousands of people died and danced with his grandchildren, I think its just an amazing example of the power of the human spirit ( bhawk911 on Youtube )

I think the main thing that this video challenged in my ideas was the notion that Auschwitz is a grave site. It isn’t. It’s a crime scene. Those are two very different things. ( iwoj on You Tube )

I think this display at the site of extreme horror for many Jews is mistaken and a desecration. It is wonderful that Mr. Kohn survived, but there are many others that seek to destroy the Jews and it is a mockery of those who succumbed. (Facts Life on DebbieSchlussel.com )

Some fellow Holocaust survivors were also offended. “It seems to trivialize the horrors that were committed,” said Kamil Cwiok, 86. “I don’t see how this video is a mark of respect for the millions who didn’t survive or for those who did.”

The range of responses should not be surprising. There is no such thing as a simple response to the kind of evil presented by the Holocaust. The potential for evil must not be forgotten. The dead deserve to be honored. The living deserve to rejoice and underscore the failure of those who tried to harm them, most especially by transforming the very sites where the horror took place.

Judaism has often struggled with the conflicting dynamic beween acknowledging evil and refusing to let it have the final word. In Jewish tradition the trecherous Amalek and Haman are supposed to have their names blotted out forever. Yet each year Jews remember them by remembering their oblivion. How? By turning it into a celebration. On Purim, children and adults dress up in clothes that deliberately mock the normal roles and conventions of life. In synagogue, every time the name of Haman is mentioned during the reading of the Purim story (book of Esther) it is drown out by loud noises – groggers, table pounding, cymbals and other loud noises – at once both remembering and forgetting.

There is also precedent in Jewish tradition for dancing at graves, as strange as the idea may seem. Each year at Rosh HaShanna, followers of Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav gather in Uman to spend the holiday in the presence of this holy story teller and Hassidic leader. Rabbi Nachman taught that joy was a pathway to God, so his followers dance in his name through the streets and even at his grave.

To have died in the Holocaust is to become a holy person, a tzaddik. To dance near and at the graves of those who did not survive acknowledges that their martyrdom was not without cause, that their courage will never be forgotten. We live in the shadow of their holiness. We must not forget. At least some of those for whom the murdered died live on and continue to thrive in their name. Is there any better way to remember?

How would you wish to be remembered if your life had been stolen from you? If your loved ones’ had

Winonia Ryder Speaks out against Domestic Violence..

Phone App Wakes Parents Up to Teen Dating Abuse via WeNews…

September 13, 2011Leave a commentGo to comments

Parental involvement is key to combating teen dating abuse, says Jane Randel. The Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse campaign has created an iPhone application to educate parents on what their teens may be going through.

For the past seven years, the Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse initiative has worked to combat and prevent teen dating abuse. One of the key insights gleaned during that time is that parental involvement and guidance are essential to preventing teen dating abuse.

We’ve also learned that there are inherent challenges to parental intervention. Although parents recognize dating abuse as a problem, many believe the issue simply does not affect their child. Many also don’t realize that technology has become a platform for abuse.

Teen dating abuse is much more prevalent than many parents think; 10 percent of U.S. high school students reported experiencing assault by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year, according to Adolescent Health study authors Emily Rothman, an associate professor of community health sciences at the Boston University School of Public Health, and Dr. Elizabeth Miller, division of adolescent medicine chief at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

And dating abuse is not only physical. Other, very common, forms of abuse include emotional and digital abuse. A recent study commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. found that 1-in-4 teens report being abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend through technology.

The need to engage parents is why we have created the Love Is Not Abuse iPhone application (app), an exciting new resource designed to educate parents and get them talking to their teens. The app informs parents about the warning signs of dating violence and emotional and digital dating abuse. Included are tips on how to talk to your teen about dating abuse and national resources to get help.

Various Developers

The app was developed with leading experts, researchers,

parents affected by dating abuse and partner organizations, including LoveIsRepect.org, the New York-based Joyful Heart Foundation and Break the Cycle and the National Network to End Domestic Violence, both based in Washington, D.C., among others.

When we recently launched the app, Denise DeZao, a mother of a teen dating abuse survivor, shared her experiences with teen dating abuse and explained why she believes the app is critical to educating parents about abuse.

“At the time, I did not recognize that my daughter was involved in an abusive relationship,” she said. “I now realize that the red flags were rapidly waving in front of me. When I experienced the app for the first time, I had the oddest sensation. I felt as if I could totally and completely experience how my daughter must have felt in her relationship. If resources like this app had been available to us then, I am confident that I would have acted upon the signs and intervened in the early stages of the relationship.”

Education is key to prevention. Parents must take a proactive approach and educate themselves on teen dating abuse before their teens enter relationships.

Resources are readily available in the app, and while some parents may find initial conversations uncomfortable, it is our hope that the Love Is Not Abuse app will be utilized to help prevent dating violence and wake parents up to the reality of teen dating abuse.

Jane Randel is senior vice president of corporate communications and brand services at Liz Claiborne Inc. Randel spearheads the company’s award-winning, cause marketing program, Love Is Not Abuse, to generate awareness, educate the public and ultimately prevent violence against women. She is on the National Advisory Board of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and is a member of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape/National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s Honorary Board.

By Jane Randel, WeNews commentator.]

Teen Dating Abuse Facts:

*60% parents cannot sufficiently identify the warning signs of abuse

*1 in 4 teens report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse

*1 in 5 high school girls have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner

*Dating violence among peers is reported by 54% of high school students.

*1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been physically hurt by his or her partner through violent actions which included hitting, punching, kicking, slapping and/or choking

*80% of teens believe verbal abuse is a serious issue for their age group

*Nearly 80% of girls who have been victims of physical abuse in their dating relationships continue to date the abuser.

*Nearly 20% of teen girls who have been in a relationship said their boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm in the event of a break-up.

*The majority of teen dating abuse occurs in the home of one of the partners.

Teen Dating Abuse Warning Signs:

Isolation: Does your daughter have fewer friends than she did before meeting her boyfriend? This speaks to the isolation that an abusive boy imposes on a girlfriend. He might isolate her first from her friends, then from her outside activities and then her family. She can then become emotionally dependent on him, and find it difficult to leave.
Emotional Changes: In the early infatuation stage of any relationship girls are often happy. Once the boy becomes abusive, she begins feeling sad and desperate. She may cry more or want to be alone.
Constant Communication: Does your daughter’s boyfriend constantly call or text her, and she must call him back immediately? He might ask her where she is, what she’s doing, who she’s with, what time she’ll be back and how many other boys she has spoken to.
Jealousy Issues: You might notice the boyfriend’s jealousy. If your daughter looks at or speaks casually with another boy, does he get upset? Did he tell her that he loved her early in the relationship? This is his “hook.” Your daughter might find this romantic, but it could be another red flag for jealousy and issues with control.
The Boyfriend’s Background: If your daughter’s boyfriend comes from a tragic home life, it could mean trouble. He might not be far behind in his parent’s footsteps if they use drugs or are abusive to him or each other.
The Need to Impress: When he gives her “advice” about her choice in friends, hairstyle, clothes or makeup, notice if she’s following his every word. Your daughter is likely in complete denial and may be in fear of what he will do to her if she doesn’t change.
Making Excuses for Him: Your daughter might stick-up for her boyfriend, defending his words and actions. Don’t let her denial force you to ignore your gut! He may have convinced her that she’s too sensitive when he calls her names or told her he’s “only kidding.”

If you keep the line of communication open with her, you’ll be able to notice more signs. For more information, call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474, LoveIsNotAbuse at 866.331.9474 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Protect Women & Teen Girls

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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Black Men, Single Mothers Aren't the Problem, A BLACK Man addresses other COWARDLY BLACK MEN...

Black Men, Single Mothers Aren't the Problem, We Are

Black Family Values? THERE ARE NONE! 72% of BLACK CHILDREN are born out fo Wedlock BABY MAMA HIT IT THEN SPLIT MEN!!! LISTEN TO THE MUSIC BUT BLACKS WILL STILL BLAME IT ON THE WHITE MAN THO!

Video Link & Embed Code

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Black girls forced to have UNPROTECTED SEX with Partners! Protecting Adolescent Girls from Unwanted Unprotected Sex

Black Men make babies and Run! New Laws trying to crack down now!

Campaign to Launch Against Men Who 'Have Sex and Run'

A new epidemic is permeating the culture today: fatherlessness.

OJAY GUILTY AS HELL SIMPSONS Dead Wife's Sister Speaks up and out, thank God OJay is in Prison where he belongs, Poor Nicole did not stand a Chance!

WARNING TO BLACK WOMEN, BLACK MALE PREDATOR

28 signs of the Violent African American Male

A Dance of Redemption

Winonia Ryder Speaks out against Domestic Violence..

Phone App Wakes Parents Up to Teen Dating Abuse via WeNews…

Phone App Wakes Parents Up to Teen Dating Abuse via WeNews…

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