Here's a note I received recently from T re parasites ISO hosts.
Wanted to share something with you - maybe you can post it as something teachable to a BW who is reading.I do not live in the black community. I live downtown in a diverse, affluent neighborhood...but since it's a free country, I do get my fair share of DBRs in my space depending on the weather and the city's events.
So walking down the street yesterday this is what I overheard from two [DBRs] walking behind me.
First one says, "Man! I need a b*tch!"
Second one says, "Yeah right? Me too!"
First one: "With a crib too!"
Second one: "Yeah...so you can just lay up and chill!"
First one, "Yup, put my feet up...do nothing...
At that point, I slowed down and let them pass me...but as I watched them, they looked at each and every black woman that passed them on the street. If these black women want these types of "men" they are waiting for you. But this is what you are gonna get...a man that wants YOU to take care of them."
Thanks, T. I was in the City yesterday and saw a few young bw walking around with some of these DBRs. Of course, some folks will say that these bw were DBRs too, but I don't believe that a typical, sane woman of any group WILLINGLY puts her head on the chopping block. Call me naive, but I do NOT believe that these women know any better. *Shrugs* But who knows? Maybe these young early-20s bw are suicidal on purpose.
Whew! Before I'd ever heard the word--hypergamy, I was taught to be hypergamous. LOL! I think that's why I didn't even think that I would marry when I was in my teens. When I looked around me at the assortment of males in my backwoods Alabama area, I didn't see any one who was one the track to meeting the criteria for a hypergamous partner. I therefore concluded that I'd never marry.
I have an elderly (octogenarian) aunt who married "down." Many AA women did that in those days of Jim Crow. She was a college grad and became a school teacher. That was a very high status job for a black person when she was a young woman. She married my uncle who had only attended 1 year of college (that, in itself was uncommon in those days for a bm) and had to drop out due to lack of money and the need for him to go back home and work on the family farm. During the many years of their marriage, my uncle sometimes worked 3 jobs. OMG! He worked so hard. He wanted everyone to know that he could support his wife and 3 children because that's what a MAN did. He was highly respected but he was paid poorly on all of his jobs, so he bought houses and fixed them up, rented and sold them, and boosted his income in that manner. By the time he died in 2004, he was a wealthy man by even today's standards. My aunt and his children are still living well from my uncle's hard work.
What has my uncle got to do with hypergamy? Well, my uncle knew that he had scored big when he married my aunt. Of course, he knew she had married "down" when she married him. Everyone thought she had lost her mind, she told me. She said people told her she could have done a LOT better than my uncle. I'm sure he heard what people said too. He never wanted her to regret her decision, so he spent the rest of his life compensating her and proving to everyone that he was "somebody," even though he lacked formal education. He was a real MAN!
He didn't talk much, but he had loads of character. He was always nice and generous towards me. The only time he ever yelled at me was when I was in college and shaved off all my hair. He was totally undone!! LOL! Naturally, he thought I was c-r-a-z-y when I married my African husband and moved to Africa. He didn't yell when I told him I was going. He just folded his hands across his stomach and looked at me silently as he rocked in his cane rocker. I think my uncle wrote me off at that point. By the time I married Darren, I had become an alien to the nth degree to my dear uncle. LOL! But he always had 'my back.' I always knew that if I needed money or anything else, I could just pick up the phone.
Many black men in those days could not go on for higher education due to sheer lack of money, racism, and a variety of extreme social hostilities. Also, their labor was needed at home to help support their parents, siblings, and sometimes others in the family. I could understand why many black women married "down" or looked for husbands among(formally) uneducated, or less-accomplished men in those days. Despite that, many of them still lived well because they married hard-working men who wanted to have something in life.
Uplift. This is what the Civil Right Movement was mainly about. I talk to my aunt often. She said that she and many other black people in those days were willing to die several deaths in order for black people to gain EQUAL ACCESS and general equality so that hard working people like my uncle and many other black men and women could be fairly compensated for their hard work, get a quality education, and develop their potential. They wanted that so badly for themselves, their children, and their descendants!!
These days, virtually all black people can go to college or get any other kind of training or education they want. This is just a fact, despite all of the excuses.Where there is a will, there's a way, so there is no reason for any black woman to marry "down" unless it's her choice. Other than that, she should at least strive to marry on her level. If a bm doesn't CHOOSE to go for more skills training or education these days, he's making a CHOICE. There is nothing stopping him but himself. Yes, more education or more skils training does cost money, but so does a new car and high end electronic items, other expensive "toys" and the sports labeled gear that many men buy. ALL of those items are DEPRECIATING assets. Education is an APPRECIATING asset; it gives you many returns on your investment and it keeps on giving you those returns, whereas a car loses most of its value before it leaves the car dealership.
There's a gigantic difference between my uncle not attending college and a bm these days not attending. Actually, there is NO comparison. There is NO excuse these days to not pursue skills training or education. NONE. Any man who tries to fix his mouth to say that to a woman should become a distant memory to a bw.
Remember that each of us has been given as much free will as the next person, just like each of us has been given 24 hours in every day, just like the next person. What I mean by that is that if a bw, for ex., is determined to mate or marry down, I'm going to get out of her way and let her exercise her free will to bend over for the crumbs. I'm just presenting a variety of options here, but she decides which one. It's her choice.
What I absolutely detest (and is the main reason why I initially started blogging) is that after some bw bend down and CHOOSE their crumb, some of them then become envious of other bw like me who CHOSE not to bend down for crumbs!!! Why? I mean, why hate me because I didn't pick up a crumb! She also could have CHOSEN not to pick a crumb. Some of us are never going to pick up crumbs. Not me. I want a whole big ole slice of the cake. LOL!
One of my girlfriends met a wm a few months ago on an online dating site and they're in a serious relationship now. She told me that when she mentioned how well the relationship is going to a few other bw who we both know, they began to behave oddly towards her and make snippy comments. At first, she was confused, but then realized that they're JEALOUS. She naively hoped they'd be happy for her. These are the same type of women who say they would never go to an online dating site to meet a man. Or they say, "Make mine chocolate." Maybe this is why they haven't had a date in 15 years! Of course, they also made the usual biting comments about his race. SMH This is why I try to stay away from bw of that type and thankfully, there are many bw who are more evolved. LOL! That's the good part about black women. There is such a variety of us--physically, emotionally, intellectually, background-wise, etc. and many of us also like a variety of men. Or we have our preference(s). My preference has always been based on a man'squalities and traits because everything else in any human being fades. Good qualities and traits NEVER fade.
Anyway, I personally would have NEVER married if I felt that my only choice was to marry "down." That would have destroyed me instantly. My grandmother would have disowned me for sure, and I can assure you I would have never recovered from my mother's tongue-lashing. It would have been like spitting on their struggles and sacrifices. Some people might think I'm snobbish or elitest but they can think what they want. Blame my grandmother and my mother. LOL! As I've mentioned, I grew up cash poor on a farm with lots of land and plenty of self-sufficiency. However, I was not raised to bend down for crumbs. Being cash-poor does NOT mean you have to be a crumb or mingle with crumbs. NEVER!
The high divorce rate among AAs is largely attributed to the fact that so many AA women do marry "down." They believe the fairy tale that love and chemistry (getting the hots for a man) are enough. PLEASE! I won't say "never," but those are rarely EVER enough to sustain a marriage. The stress that can and does crop up from money issues will not only destroy the love,the chemistry, and the marriage; it will and often does destroy your physical, emotional, mental and financial HEALTH too.
Bw--don't kid yourselves. If he does not have various qualities, traits, skills AND doesn't bring enough $$$ to the table, get ready for a lot of stress and the marriage will still most likely not survive. There is no guarantee that any marriage will succeed or fail; there are only probabilities. Hypergamy should be your aim. You might not be able to hit the bullseye, but aim high anyway. At the very least, do NOT marry down!!
*****Bw, many of you need to virtually memorize the following note from a bw in NC. It the reason that VETTING is the most important aspect of mate selection. If a woman doesn't vet ALL men, doesn't know how to vet, or makes certain errors during the vetting phase of her interaction with a man, the rest is usually a downhill slide for her.
Note from bw in NC--
I've posted pics of them and their kids before, here on the Ezine. I would speculate that the fact that his wife is a black woman (of Sengalese descent), made him much more likely to lift up a black woman (Zoe Saldana) and put her on the world stage, confirming her as a major star.
"Liz and Joe met at a group dinner through a mutual friend. They started texting and talking on the phone after that night and the rest is history!"
